[TFLN overflow] The "Fathers are Terrible" Club

[cursedhyacinth]

Jacinda spent a night bar-hopping with a diverse group of people. The morning after, there's a text on zir phone from Dean Winchester:

Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback

[ Thread here ]

The discussion turns to Dean's terrible father -- which Jacinda can relate to. Zie invites Dean to come over and speak in person.

After picking up a load of clean clothes that was left on the couch, and tossing it into the bedroom, Jacinda vacuums the front room and starts a pot of coffee. Whether they sit in the living room or the kitchen, at least there will be something to do -- fixing cups of coffee -- to fill up any awkward silences in conversation.

There. Everything's ready for Dean to come over.

Comments

[venatoris]

Think back, it was a stupid thing to do, get smashed and blurt something he'd kept locked in a box for a long time. Great.

And talking about his asshole old man isn't something he wants to do, so the offer is readily accepted, a fine change of subject. Doesn't take him long either, just gets in the car and heads over, coming up to rap his knuckles on the door and wait, shifting on his feet, rocking on his heels.

[cursedhyacinth]

[OOC: LOL just realized that I mixed up the offer to come over versus Jacinda coming to Dean's place. Oh well, post created and all that, Jacinda has a scatterbrain too.]

Jacinda opens the door -- the smell of fresh-brewed coffee wafts out as well. Zie smiles at Dean, then steps to one side so that he can walk into the apartment.

"Hey there," Jacinda greets, "ready for our off-the-record chat?"

It's sort of a joke, since an exchange of text messages does leave behind a record, but also an offer for Jacinda to keep whatever they talk about between the two of them.

sorry about the delay!!

[venatoris]

[ ooc; lmao it's fine i just went with it ]

"Uh, hey. Yeah."

Definitely off the record; Dean would lose his freakin' mind if a ton of people he knew found out about...well.

A lot of shit, honestly.

He slips in, hands still in his pockets, staring at the wall, the floor, wherever he doesn't have to meet a set of eyes.

"Coffee smells good."

You're fine! :)

[cursedhyacinth]

"I'll get you a cup. Sit anywhere."

When Jacinda comes back, zie is holding two mugs of coffee -- one in each hand -- and offers one to Dean.

"So, like... I know that dads can be real shitty. A dad is scary as fuck, when you're a kid and he gets mad at you. Even when he's gone, it feels like he's still around."

Maybe these are stupid, overly simple statements. But Jacinda doesn't really want to push too hard... that kind of thing would have made zir shut down, in Dean's place. Jacinda walks over to the kitchen table where a box of sugar and a container of coffee creamer are sitting, and stands by one of the chairs.

"I never wanted to disappoint my adoptive father. He did a lot of good for me. But... now that I'm older, I know that some of the expectations and burdens he put on me were too heavy for a kid."

[venatoris]

He looks awkward, sitting there on the couch; talking about his feelings and the shit his old man put him through isn't exactly something he does or enjoys. Childhood trauma? Please. He's fine.

"Yeah, true. Like his ghost is still there, I guess. Always criticizing me, always praising Sam."

Which -- that's fine. Dean purposefully took the brunt of his dad's bullshit to keep Sam from it, so it isn't like he didn't ask for it, or anything. But it still sucked to constantly want approval and affection and never getting it, only seeing it bestowed on his little brother.

[cursedhyacinth]

"I didn't really have a brother, growing up. Not until I got adopted." Jacinda sighs. "It's kind of a mess, isn't it? You love 'im, you want him to be safe and all that, but sometimes... sometimes you think he's the son your father actually wants, and you won't ever measure up. You won't deserve love. It makes you mad and then you feel like garbage for being mad."

[venatoris]

"Uh, yeah. Pretty much exactly that."

Talk about hitting the nail on the head.

"He always kinda favored my brother. Like, yeah, sure, we were both taught to fight and shoot, but I was the one made into the soldier. Not Sam."

[cursedhyacinth]

Jacinda shudders. 'A Good Solider'...

Zie mutters, "I should've been his son, not his soldier..." then shakes zir head. This is about Dean, not Jacinda. "And the same for you... your dad should have treated you both the same. Like his sons. The fact that he didn't was wrong, and it's on him."